Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Lately, I've been on a sort of adventure in life. Since the summer, I've been slowly walking more and more in faith towards a calling. I can't share all the details of the calling in particular here, but everyday I have more and more revealed to me. But throughout this process, I think a lot of people near have started to think that there may be something wrong. They see that I have changed. My passions are different. My motivations more human now, and less personal.

Through this change I started by asking for God to give me His "heart". I found that within a few months, my heart had changed. I found myself caring deeply for others, more deeply than I had in my whole life. As I lived in this new reality, my joy increased, and the more I lived in my "old" life, the less enjoyment I found. I think that this new perspective has changed me.

Then as I began to walk in this new understanding, I took a leap of faith in a trip to South Africa. Before the trip, I prayed that God would give me His "eyes" that I may see what He sees on my trip. As I was there, we traveled to Mozambique and Swaziland. One night in Swaziland at a church meeting in a tent, I saw. I saw a young girl dancing her heart out on the stage. But there was something "different" about that girl, and I knew it wasn't worldly, but I couldn't put my finger on it either. The heart that God had given me reached out to her in spirit.

It wasn't until Pastor Dave, the one man on the trip, got up to speak. He is considered sort of a mini-prophet in that he gives words to people and reveals truths in their lives. He encourages them like a father. So there he was, mid-sermon on a stage in Swaziland when suddenly he knelt down, pointed at this girl, and gave her a word right there in front of everyone. I finally realized that what I've been "seeing" in people, is what God sees. I only lacked the interpretation. So I prayed that God would instruct me on what to do next.

I walked up to the girl afterwards and told her that I noticed her and encouraged her in the word given to her. She broke down in tears and asked "why me? why is this all happening to me?". I told her simply "God sees you". Do we need another reason? It turned out that she had come from the poorest of the poor, and God had been lifting her up to levels of glory in His kingdom. The latest Word of the Lord was that her voice would be heard throughout the world. Wow. Why? Because God saw her through me, and through Dave.

But it wasn't as if I had some super spiritual revelation hit me over the head. It was a slow and steady walk. It was, is, a walk of faith. That is not a magical transformation, it's a natural one. It is a rebirthing. It takes time.

So lately I realized that the heart and eyes of God are great, but without a way to understand what that means, or what to do with those sightings or feelings, it is useless. So lately I have prayed that God would grant me His wisdom.

Wisdom is an interesting thing to pray for. You must realize that if you pray for something, God will bring about the things in your life to challenge you. Once I prayed for compassion, and that same day, God presented me friends from church whose Uncle died and I was called to comfort them. So evidently when you pray for wisdom, God brings situations in front of you that you are a called to respond to. I say respond, because in most we are asked to "judge", but I found quickly that "judging" is not what we are called to do. In the past few weeks, I had many of these situations - situations that I could not possibly decipher on my own with my mortal logic.

So I am excited about this journey, but also scared. I'm scared because I keep praying and keep hearing and seeing the response. But I keep praying that I keep following, that I will not let Jesus out of my sight or try to do this on my own. I know how quickly that can happen and how powerless it really is. I don't know what is around the next bend, or what I will need next from God in prayer, but I just know that experiencing the provision of God, is an amazing experience, and pray that others can experience this as they too walk in faith, and not by sight.

1 comment:

Lilie said...

you are a good write. Very nice work.