I've been pondering romance lately, due in part to reading a novel a friend is writing. It wasn't a romance novel per se, but it brought up questions, big questions, in my life that were begging to be answered. Much to her chagrin, I proposed that the ending was a cop out, that maybe something else could happen. I felt this way because all of these questions I had were added to and multiplied by, and much to my chagrin, never answered by my author friend. I wanted answers.
The reason I wanted answers was because recently, I've seen many marriages, including mine, stagnate. I've also seen the "enemy" rush into these cracks and begin tearing unity apart, especially in the lives of those in the ministry. I know that love is more than a feeling, but I couldn't help but think there had to be something more out there. In all honesty, there was something that I was lacking, a romance I so desperately needed. I was searching.
The nature of love and romance was revealed to me over the past week, and that revelation is something that just so happens to spread to many aspects of our lives. The following are lessons that I have learned through this discovery, and I share them with you here.
Love is a Choice
When we choose to marry someone, it isn't because we love them, it's because we "choose" to love them. Love is a verb, and requires action. I thought that meant taking out the trash, doing the dishes and remembering to say "I love you", right before that daily step of locking the front door. I had exchanged love for a habit, and my wife for a roommate in the process. Because of this, the deep longing for romance was still there, and the enemy uses that to pull us where we don't want to go.
Don't exchange true love for a feeling, or a whim. It's easy for us to give up on this choice we've made, these vows to another. There is a temptation to chase after another, but if we do that we are doomed to repeat a pattern that is never fulfilling. A living Hell. Remember that love, true love, never fails.
Romance is a Choice
For young lovers and newly weds, romance isn't (or shouldn't be) a problem. There is a freshness to your relationship. There is vigor and energy that, if it were possible to be bottled, would be a powerful aphrodisiac I'm sure. For the rest of us, we must "choose" to romance our spouse. We must choose to break out of the comfortable routine and do things that have us peeking out the window wondering when they'll be home. We must choose to pour some champagne and slice some fruit and go completely out of our way for another. Too often in churches, we ignore this whole topic and dismiss it as taboo, but I believe that this is critically important aspect of church life, because if romance is not present, fear, doubt and needs bubble over, and gives Satan a juicy foothold in our lives.
I once was at a "Men's Conference" at Word of Life in upstate New York. The speaker was an older gentleman who reminded me of a cast member of the Red Green Show. The guy was hilarious, but I couldn't doubt the love this man had for his wife, even after 50+ years. He used the phrase "God smiles at you when you are in the bedroom with your wife". I thought it was awkward and funny then, but now I realize that he was speaking of that romance, that spark, that candle that still glows after many years, that light that we should put on a pedestal and shine for everyone to see. And every time you choose to romance your chosen one, God smiles.
Worthy of the Chase
The secret to romance is the thrill of the hunt, the exhilaration of the pursuit. I once heard said that you can pick out married couples in a restaurant because they are the ones that don't talk to each other. What a tragedy that is! We must constantly be chasing our spouses and not get comfortable about the convenience. We wonder where the romance has gone in our lives, and yet we are not willing to go out of the way to chase her, or him - constantly. So if you are reading this I urge you, tonight, to chase after the one you have chosen to love. Read Song of Solomon and see the beautiful poetry of this chase for some inspiration. The romance in your marriage is not dead, the relationship is not in repose, you only need to make the decision to awaken it. And my wife, Jaime is worthy of my chasing.
Jumping off the Cliff
A few months ago I went "cliff-diving" with my friend Ric. This activity is exhilarating to say the least and involves climbing a 60-foot tall cliff and jumping into very tiny jagged, rock-lined pools of freezing mountain water, usually beneath a waterfall, far from any level 2 trauma unit. One time, both Jaime and I were standing together at the top of one of these cliffs, paralyzed to jump off. We were both scared to death. What if we misstepped? What if we jumped to far and missed the narrow window of survival depths? What if we were too close to the waterfall and got sucked under or did a bellyflop?
The fact of the matter is that there may be things standing in the way of reigniting that passion in your marriage. It may be secrets you keep, or relationships you've had, or grudges you've held. There's only one way to deal with these issues, and that's to jump off the cliff. It's to hold your breath and confess your sin to the other, and then take the exhilarating free-fall into the cleansing pools of grace. There may be tears, but there will be cleansing. If you ever feel that you cannot pray together as husband and wife, I suspect that you may need to do a little cliff-diving together. And remember, the first time is always the hardest, but after that, it's addicting.
Worship is Romancing God
Perhaps the more enlightening thing I found in all of this was a parallel drawn between our human interactions, and those we have with our Maker. After all, the Bible is really a love story filled with letters, songs, poems and testimony of God's enduring faithfulness and love for us. In light of this, you must remember that you are worthy of the chase. I know this because God continues to chase after you and I no matter how far we run. He chooses to romance us, but we need to choose to romance Him in return.
Just like love, we must "choose" to worship God. Sometimes we don't feel like doing it, just as sometimes we don't feel like loving someone. But that's not the nature of love, and it's not the nature of worship. The Bible uses a lot of words to describe this – seek, call on the name of, knock, run... but I like the visual of a pursuit, I love the illustration of the chase, I love the realization that our relationship with God is a romantic one filled with wonder, energy, passion and blessing.
Conclusion
This Sunday, I challenge you to press into God even if you don't feel like it. Romance Him. Speak to Him in poems that flow from your heart. Sing to Him with songs of love. Snuggle up to Him so close that you can smell Him. Whisper sweet nothings in His ear. Stay in that relationship and the true power of God will descend upon you and your ministry. And then, go home and do that with your beloved, your chosen one, in a way that is surprising, a way that finds wonder in her eyes, giggles on her hips, and magic in the mundane.
The reason I wanted answers was because recently, I've seen many marriages, including mine, stagnate. I've also seen the "enemy" rush into these cracks and begin tearing unity apart, especially in the lives of those in the ministry. I know that love is more than a feeling, but I couldn't help but think there had to be something more out there. In all honesty, there was something that I was lacking, a romance I so desperately needed. I was searching.
The nature of love and romance was revealed to me over the past week, and that revelation is something that just so happens to spread to many aspects of our lives. The following are lessons that I have learned through this discovery, and I share them with you here.
Love is a Choice
When we choose to marry someone, it isn't because we love them, it's because we "choose" to love them. Love is a verb, and requires action. I thought that meant taking out the trash, doing the dishes and remembering to say "I love you", right before that daily step of locking the front door. I had exchanged love for a habit, and my wife for a roommate in the process. Because of this, the deep longing for romance was still there, and the enemy uses that to pull us where we don't want to go.
Don't exchange true love for a feeling, or a whim. It's easy for us to give up on this choice we've made, these vows to another. There is a temptation to chase after another, but if we do that we are doomed to repeat a pattern that is never fulfilling. A living Hell. Remember that love, true love, never fails.
Romance is a Choice
For young lovers and newly weds, romance isn't (or shouldn't be) a problem. There is a freshness to your relationship. There is vigor and energy that, if it were possible to be bottled, would be a powerful aphrodisiac I'm sure. For the rest of us, we must "choose" to romance our spouse. We must choose to break out of the comfortable routine and do things that have us peeking out the window wondering when they'll be home. We must choose to pour some champagne and slice some fruit and go completely out of our way for another. Too often in churches, we ignore this whole topic and dismiss it as taboo, but I believe that this is critically important aspect of church life, because if romance is not present, fear, doubt and needs bubble over, and gives Satan a juicy foothold in our lives.
I once was at a "Men's Conference" at Word of Life in upstate New York. The speaker was an older gentleman who reminded me of a cast member of the Red Green Show. The guy was hilarious, but I couldn't doubt the love this man had for his wife, even after 50+ years. He used the phrase "God smiles at you when you are in the bedroom with your wife". I thought it was awkward and funny then, but now I realize that he was speaking of that romance, that spark, that candle that still glows after many years, that light that we should put on a pedestal and shine for everyone to see. And every time you choose to romance your chosen one, God smiles.
Worthy of the Chase
The secret to romance is the thrill of the hunt, the exhilaration of the pursuit. I once heard said that you can pick out married couples in a restaurant because they are the ones that don't talk to each other. What a tragedy that is! We must constantly be chasing our spouses and not get comfortable about the convenience. We wonder where the romance has gone in our lives, and yet we are not willing to go out of the way to chase her, or him - constantly. So if you are reading this I urge you, tonight, to chase after the one you have chosen to love. Read Song of Solomon and see the beautiful poetry of this chase for some inspiration. The romance in your marriage is not dead, the relationship is not in repose, you only need to make the decision to awaken it. And my wife, Jaime is worthy of my chasing.
Jumping off the Cliff
A few months ago I went "cliff-diving" with my friend Ric. This activity is exhilarating to say the least and involves climbing a 60-foot tall cliff and jumping into very tiny jagged, rock-lined pools of freezing mountain water, usually beneath a waterfall, far from any level 2 trauma unit. One time, both Jaime and I were standing together at the top of one of these cliffs, paralyzed to jump off. We were both scared to death. What if we misstepped? What if we jumped to far and missed the narrow window of survival depths? What if we were too close to the waterfall and got sucked under or did a bellyflop?
The fact of the matter is that there may be things standing in the way of reigniting that passion in your marriage. It may be secrets you keep, or relationships you've had, or grudges you've held. There's only one way to deal with these issues, and that's to jump off the cliff. It's to hold your breath and confess your sin to the other, and then take the exhilarating free-fall into the cleansing pools of grace. There may be tears, but there will be cleansing. If you ever feel that you cannot pray together as husband and wife, I suspect that you may need to do a little cliff-diving together. And remember, the first time is always the hardest, but after that, it's addicting.
Worship is Romancing God
Perhaps the more enlightening thing I found in all of this was a parallel drawn between our human interactions, and those we have with our Maker. After all, the Bible is really a love story filled with letters, songs, poems and testimony of God's enduring faithfulness and love for us. In light of this, you must remember that you are worthy of the chase. I know this because God continues to chase after you and I no matter how far we run. He chooses to romance us, but we need to choose to romance Him in return.
Just like love, we must "choose" to worship God. Sometimes we don't feel like doing it, just as sometimes we don't feel like loving someone. But that's not the nature of love, and it's not the nature of worship. The Bible uses a lot of words to describe this – seek, call on the name of, knock, run... but I like the visual of a pursuit, I love the illustration of the chase, I love the realization that our relationship with God is a romantic one filled with wonder, energy, passion and blessing.
Conclusion
This Sunday, I challenge you to press into God even if you don't feel like it. Romance Him. Speak to Him in poems that flow from your heart. Sing to Him with songs of love. Snuggle up to Him so close that you can smell Him. Whisper sweet nothings in His ear. Stay in that relationship and the true power of God will descend upon you and your ministry. And then, go home and do that with your beloved, your chosen one, in a way that is surprising, a way that finds wonder in her eyes, giggles on her hips, and magic in the mundane.
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