The Trouble with Transparency

I'm not sure about you, but this New Year has brought with it some exciting changes and challenges in my life.  For starters, I have realized exactly how divergent my two aspects of my life have become.  I realized that what I feel in my heart had become torn from what I think with my mind.  In fact, this separation has been, probably for a good part of my life, the reason why I am viewed as passive aggressive.  I can think quickly and give nice, pat answers to things, but as a decompress that moment, my heart and mind take more time to process.  Suddenly I am faced with the interesting dilemma that what I had said or agreed to do is no longer inline with how I truly feel.

I'm not sure if I'm alone in this department or not.  One thing I know, is that I prayed from my spirit that my heart would be "true".  I've discovered now that this means an alignment of what I feel and how I act.  The trouble is that this is harder to do than it seems!  Sometimes we feel incredibly upset at someone and want to lash out at them.  Do we repress those feelings? Do we simply communicate with our lips what is overflowing in our heart?  What if we hurt people? How do we handle them?

The answer is simple.  To become transparent and live a life of integrity and authenticity.  And while the answer is simple to say or write in a blog post, the living of this simple truth is less than simple.  I want to look at transparency and how it applies to our lives in modernity.

Transparency is a term that our society will fast need to come to grips with.  As the information era progresses, and social networking venues increase, our awareness of each other is multiplied.  Each day, I get updates from good friends form my entire life, as well as cries for help from complete strangers.  I see embarrassing pictures posted and inner secrets shared through song and poetry and blog posts.  I can chat with them in real time from across the global.  I feel like I know these people better than I ever could have in real life.  Sounds like a good thing right?  Well, yes and no...

Last weekend some fellow high school classmates had a mini reunion.  I desperately wanted to go, but had already made other plans.  As I was looking through the pictures of people, I saw a few people tagged in the photos without Facebook accounts.  I friended the girl who posted the pictures and asked her if they had Facebook accounts.  I wanted to contact the one girl since we sang together in chorus and Madrigals.  But my new acquaintance informed me that she does not have a Facebook account because she is a teacher and it is frowned upon in education.

Then I take a look at so many in the younger generations that have no problem living their lives and exposing their deepest most hearts on the web in places like MySpace and Facebook.  Then parents join these social networks and freak out by the content and level of expression their children express.  Even my own wife has had this issue.  She may have a bad day, or have a deep and dark thought which she expresses through Twitter.  Inevitably, her mom (also on Twitter) will call her immediately to see if everything is alright.  The more I witness this interaction, I realize that sharing these things isn't wrong, it's just that our parents are experiencing incredible culture shock.  They have never been witness to this level of transparency.  They have never lived in a society constructed of so many glass walls.

But transparency is the key to living an authentic life of integrity.  So often, the Christian church has been seen as utter hypocrites.  Why?  Because they portray a level of perfection and polish that is most of the time a facade.  We all mess up and are all tempted.  But if we go out and have a little too much to drink and cover that up and look like the perfect church goer on Sunday, are we not a hypocrite?  Our message can only last so long when our heart and actions are not in synch with our beliefs.  Our hearts are not "true".

There are two options to resolve this conflict.  The first would be to stop drinking and live a life of perfection.  Of course we all know that this is just about impossible, if not for drinking but the countless other vices that we all work against like soaring gravity or holding back the hands of time. In fact, the bible pretty much sets us up for this failure. Well, not intentionally, but more or less clarifies the point that we will fail. The law shows us how unworthy and unrighteous we are.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- we are all professional screw-ups.

So what is the alternative?  Simple, it is to live an honest life.  That we try to do what we ought, but not hide that which we naught.  I'm not going to be ashamed of what I've done.  I laugh about it.  I don't condone certain activities.  I tell people where I have messed up and encourage them against traveling the same roads.  We are all in this life together, why can't we simply learn from each other instead of pretending that we have everything together?  I think this is the truth that the younger generation has brought to the wise.

Moving forward, I plan to speak what is in my heart and do what I say.  I have been writing poetry as an attempt to release those inner feelings at the risk of hurting or concerning others. But this is me, and if you are my friend, or if you love me, you need to love all of me.  The polished and perfected parts as well as the rough and tarnished spots.  In all, in shapes who I am as a living, breathing, organic human being and not a plastic doll of a man.  Be prepared to discover all of me, and I hope that you do the same.  Together we can share in our humanity, and learn to become better people in Christ.

Pearls

It's been a while since I've written on this blog.  This is due partially to the holidays and writing on my other blog - The Deep Forest.  So, apologies to those who have been wondering where all the wonderful content has gone.  Luckily for me, there are about four of you.  So without further ado I bring you a new insight.

For a while now, my friend Fran has been contemplating some deep and philosophical stuff.  Yesterday, all of the questions that float in his head began to coalesce into a substantial outpouring of ideas.  I have to give credit where credit is due, because this blog post originates from contemplating the questions he revealed.  Take a look at the original post, although it is not required reading.

One thing Fran brought up was the notion of the consciousness, soul, identity and the meaning of life.  Yes, these are topics that have befuddled humankind for centuries.  But my friend has this amazing desire to solve these riddles and a pretty good noggin' to make it happen.  As he poured out what was rampaging in his head, he unraveled some truths that I'd like to highlight.

Life is Knowing God

This is an interesting point that he brings up about what life is exactly.  Outside of breathing, eating, and generally consuming resources, what is the measure of a man or woman? How can one say they have truly lived if they take their bodies, memories, belongs and experiences to the grave?  Through works of our hand or our offspring we live on in memory, but very rarely are we remembered as who we truly were.  Fran noted that Jesus defines eternal life as "knowing God".  There are other portions of the scripture such as 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul writes of knowing God face-to-face.

In pondering this paradigm, I came up with an answer to the good 'ol "meaning of life" question.  Are you ready for this? Here it goes...

Life is Learning to Know God

Bear with me here.  We often times wonder why life "has it out" for us.  We have this notion that things should be easier.  We blame God for bad things that happen to us and spend most of our time frustrated with politics or people problems.  But, what if life - defined from the time you are born until the time we die - is simply an incubation period in which we learn to know our Maker deeper.  As we walk through this physical reality, perhaps these forces shape and grow a soul inside of us just as our environment and upbringing shape our body and mind.  This is all for the endgame of doing what we are intended to do... commune with God.

My friend also began to split a human life into various parts.  To simplify, I believe we are comprised of four basic aspects... body, mind, soul and identity.  Fran splits things a little more granular than I do, adding consciousness and memories.  For simplicity's sake, I lump both of them under "mind".  As I evaluated each of these aspects, I realized another truth.

The Soul is the End Product

Our bodies are physical entities made of meat.  I mean, we are 70% water and a few dollars worth of chemicals.  It is a shell that allows us to exist in space and time.  With our body we are able to move around and transcend distances.  We can roam the world in three dimensions.  Thanks to the fourth dimension of time, we have a finite period of time on earth.  Without time, we would have no movement.  Our bodies exist only because of these dimensional limitations.  We would be hopelessly trapped in a bad Star Trek episode.

Our minds also dwell in this time/space matrix.  I can remember what happened yesterday and use that information to "predict" what will happen tomorrow.  I recall people's attitudes and change my actions accordingly, often times with prejudice.  I can share memories of my childhood or recall lessons learned.  In all actuality, or minds act as a way to steady our bodies in an ever changing world.  Sort of like a buffer against the harsh whirlwind of time.  If we did not have memories, consciousness or experiences... our lives would fall apart.  With our minds we remember the past and perceive the future and rarely consider the present, but they allow us to exist in time and space and not be ripped to shreds by it.

Our identity is merely a reflection of how people perceive us at any given time.  Buddahism has the notion that "you can't step in the same river twice".  In otherwords, the river is in a constant state of change.  The only reason it looks the same is because it doesn't move from it's physical boundaries.  We too are in a constant and dynamic state of change.  All of us are flying around the sun at incredible speeds.  We experience new things every day that shapes us.   Our cells are constantly dying and regenerating.  It is only a miracle of God that we retain any semblance of "sameness".  Our identity is just the lingering memory of ourselves as perceived through the eyes of others.

Souls are Precious Pearls

So what is a soul then?  A soul is the end product of the process of living.  As we traverse this physical reality on a temporal plane, relating with God and others, everything around us is changing.  We experience pleasure and pain, sun and rain, hard times and good.  Life is a chaotic, unpredictable state of messiness.  But yet, there is a part of us that stays the same.  There is a part of that we keep and that cannot be altered or taken away.  It grows inside of us but it can't be viewed on an x-ray because it is not physical or temporal.  Our soul is something special.  Our soul is a gem.

Someone asked me if I knew why pearls are different from any other precious stone in the world.  I was at a loss for a response.  They told me that pearls are different because it is the only precious stone that is birthed out of pain from a living thing which must die to give it up.  Ouch.  Think about that for a little.  Jesus compared the Kingdom of God to a pearl of great price.  Why did he make such a comparison?  Why did he use a pearl in His metaphor?

I think that the soul of a man or woman is absolutely beautiful.  It is birthed from the pain and the trials in our lives.  It grows in us on top of our weaknesses with the utter desire to know God.  I've seen the beauty of this pearl in the eyes of special people in my life.  I love looking into their eyes.  I can see the hurt and I can see the painful trials, but what I see is beautiful because I know that inside, a soul is forming.  It glows in a swirling opacity of deep crying out to deep.  It is in us desperately striving to commune with other souls, and with ultimately, with God.

Death is Only the Beginning

Lastly, I understood that the soul is the end product of life.  When life ceases, the soul moves on to be with God forever.  This brings new meaning to death because it is the point when the pain ceases, and the jewel is plucked from it's containment shell and set free to be drawn to it's sole desire.

The question I have for you is... what is the desire of your soul?  Are you living your life in a way to grow that soul into a beautiful work of art that has been bought at a great price?  What will the pearl diver see when he or she peers inside?  Will you let your pearl glow to others around you?  Will it's joy dance before the Lord like the smooth finish of a perfect orb?  Will it's desire be to adorn the crown of the King of Glory?

Resolution

It's that time of year when we look back on our lives and evaluate where we are and how far we have come.  I think my life has taken a rather interesting journey over the past year, and especially over the past month.  Some of you close to me my know what I'm talking about, and for the rest of you, well I may enlighten you someday.  But let's just say that I have taken a little hike through the valley, so to speak.  That has given me some much needed perspective.

Perhaps one thing that my little journey has taught me, is the power of prayer.  The weekend before Thanksgiving I attended a school of worship.  It was an amazing time of worship and teaching, but the part that resounded with me the most were the moments "between the cracks", the times that were not planned or found on the schedule.  One of these moments happened during worship the last night.  I literally fell uncontrollably to my knees and repented before God in tears.  I remember exactly what I cried out.

"Search my heart O God, make it ever true"

These were the words of an ancient praise song my old church used to sing.  I found that these lyrics are taken and adapted from Psalm 139:23 which I think is a little truer rendition of what my heart was crying out for:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts" - New American Standard

but just for fun, here's a version that really speaks to my experience even more...

"O God, let the secrets of my heart be uncovered, and let my wandering thoughts be tested" - Bible in Basic English

Now, what I didn't realize at the time I prayed this was the process that God uses to accomplish this relatively simple prayer.  In fact, based on the powerful and immediate response I received, I am now, more than ever, a firm believer in the power of prayer from a heart crying out to God.  That's because God systematically revealed all the evil things and gunk I had in my heart.  He uncovered all the secret things that even I had fooled myself into believing were under control.  He also put my thoughts and philosophies to the test and proved to me that I'm not as smart as I think I am.  At the end of this process, I was left completely humbled before my God and others, asking for forgiveness.  The amazing thing is that this all happened in about two short weeks.  So praise be to God who is alive and hears our prayers!

But one thing I'm left with now, is an overwhelming acknowledgement of a little condition I have.  I think I'm aware of this because I asked God to make my heart "true".  Because of that little suffix I added on to that prayer, He revealed to me something about myself that I had ignored, and that causes my life to be out of alignment.  That revelation is that there is an internal conflict in my heart and soul that needs resolution.

I don't think I'm the only one with this condition.  Simply put, I have two natures.  The first nature I call my "logical" or "practical" nature.  In that nature, I know who I am and how I should act.  I know just what to say to impress, or to calm.  I am really agreeable with everyone I meet.  I'm outgoing and do the right things.  In a nutshell, I strive to be the perfect person, husband, employee, youth leader, musician, pretty much anything I have to be.  I think when this part of me is working well, I'm good at it.

The other side of me is part hides in those darker recesses of my heart that are hidden away from view.  There is a subconscious part of me that is based on feelings and emotions.  This part dwells introverted in the background and mulls over things for long periods of time.  It's the part that writes poetry and music.  It's the part that takes deep interest in people and solving problems.  It's the part that talks in my sleep.  It's also the part that speaks to the body and prevents it from doing what the logical knows it should do.  It is the irrational and spontaneous part of myself that I let outside to play every now and then.

My little dilemma is that these two parts are nearly always in disarray and non-alignment.  For instance, I may agree with something to your face with my mouth and with my mind completely understand that it is the right move.  Then, just minutes later when the subconscious comes back from vacation, it will start to feel differently and process the situation with more input.  It will start looking at all the "what if" scenarios, history, personality, and such.  It processes emotion and cries out to higher powers.  In the end, I end up being highly "passive aggressive".  I agree to let people do something a certain way, and then seemingly despise it or downright trash it later.  In the past this has hurt a lot of people and I assume it still does to this day.  But the truth is that I don't intend to hurt people, it's just the way my brain works.

But stranger still is that I trust that deep, subconscious part of me more than the shallow, logical one.  It is the part that guides me and has an uncanny ability to predict the right path to take in most cases, at least when tamed by some logic.

So my whole life has really been a struggle to resolve the conflict between these two parts.  It would be easy to say that the feelings part of me is my "fleshly nature" and I should ignore it.  Romans 7 has a lot to say about this.  But what I find is that both parts are susceptible to sin.  In fact, I think that most of the time they hold each other in check.  The emotional is just as much a part of me as the logical.  My hope is that now that I am aware of this, I can start taking some kind of action.  After all, all things are possible though Christ who strengthens me.

So what I'm looking forward to as we roll into the new year is resolution.  I want my heart to be true.  I want to speak with my mouth what my heart feels.  I want my heart to feel what my mind thinks.  I want my mind to think with the compassion in my heart.  I want my whole spirit to be in check and in alignment so that I might have a "true" heart.  That I might have peace and that I might have resolution.  That is my prayer for myself this holiday season.

Worthy of the Chase

I've been pondering romance lately, due in part to reading a novel a friend is writing. It wasn't a romance novel per se, but it brought up questions, big questions, in my life that were begging to be answered. Much to her chagrin, I proposed that the ending was a cop out, that maybe something else could happen. I felt this way because all of these questions I had were added to and multiplied by, and much to my chagrin, never answered by my author friend. I wanted answers.

The reason I wanted answers was because recently, I've seen many marriages, including mine, stagnate. I've also seen the "enemy" rush into these cracks and begin tearing unity apart, especially in the lives of those in the ministry. I know that love is more than a feeling, but I couldn't help but think there had to be something more out there. In all honesty, there was something that I was lacking, a romance I so desperately needed. I was searching.

The nature of love and romance was revealed to me over the past week, and that revelation is something that just so happens to spread to many aspects of our lives. The following are lessons that I have learned through this discovery, and I share them with you here.

Love is a Choice
When we choose to marry someone, it isn't because we love them, it's because we "choose" to love them. Love is a verb, and requires action. I thought that meant taking out the trash, doing the dishes and remembering to say "I love you", right before that daily step of locking the front door. I had exchanged love for a habit, and my wife for a roommate in the process. Because of this, the deep longing for romance was still there, and the enemy uses that to pull us where we don't want to go.

Don't exchange true love for a feeling, or a whim. It's easy for us to give up on this choice we've made, these vows to another. There is a temptation to chase after another, but if we do that we are doomed to repeat a pattern that is never fulfilling. A living Hell. Remember that love, true love, never fails.

Romance is a Choice
For young lovers and newly weds, romance isn't (or shouldn't be) a problem. There is a freshness to your relationship. There is vigor and energy that, if it were possible to be bottled, would be a powerful aphrodisiac I'm sure. For the rest of us, we must "choose" to romance our spouse. We must choose to break out of the comfortable routine and do things that have us peeking out the window wondering when they'll be home. We must choose to pour some champagne and slice some fruit and go completely out of our way for another. Too often in churches, we ignore this whole topic and dismiss it as taboo, but I believe that this is critically important aspect of church life, because if romance is not present, fear, doubt and needs bubble over, and gives Satan a juicy foothold in our lives.

I once was at a "Men's Conference" at Word of Life in upstate New York. The speaker was an older gentleman who reminded me of a cast member of the Red Green Show. The guy was hilarious, but I couldn't doubt the love this man had for his wife, even after 50+ years. He used the phrase "God smiles at you when you are in the bedroom with your wife". I thought it was awkward and funny then, but now I realize that he was speaking of that romance, that spark, that candle that still glows after many years, that light that we should put on a pedestal and shine for everyone to see. And every time you choose to romance your chosen one, God smiles.

Worthy of the Chase
The secret to romance is the thrill of the hunt, the exhilaration of the pursuit. I once heard said that you can pick out married couples in a restaurant because they are the ones that don't talk to each other. What a tragedy that is! We must constantly be chasing our spouses and not get comfortable about the convenience. We wonder where the romance has gone in our lives, and yet we are not willing to go out of the way to chase her, or him - constantly. So if you are reading this I urge you, tonight, to chase after the one you have chosen to love. Read Song of Solomon and see the beautiful poetry of this chase for some inspiration. The romance in your marriage is not dead, the relationship is not in repose, you only need to make the decision to awaken it. And my wife, Jaime is worthy of my chasing.

Jumping off the Cliff
A few months ago I went "cliff-diving" with my friend Ric. This activity is exhilarating to say the least and involves climbing a 60-foot tall cliff and jumping into very tiny jagged, rock-lined pools of freezing mountain water, usually beneath a waterfall, far from any level 2 trauma unit. One time, both Jaime and I were standing together at the top of one of these cliffs, paralyzed to jump off. We were both scared to death. What if we misstepped? What if we jumped to far and missed the narrow window of survival depths? What if we were too close to the waterfall and got sucked under or did a bellyflop?

The fact of the matter is that there may be things standing in the way of reigniting that passion in your marriage. It may be secrets you keep, or relationships you've had, or grudges you've held. There's only one way to deal with these issues, and that's to jump off the cliff. It's to hold your breath and confess your sin to the other, and then take the exhilarating free-fall into the cleansing pools of grace. There may be tears, but there will be cleansing. If you ever feel that you cannot pray together as husband and wife, I suspect that you may need to do a little cliff-diving together. And remember, the first time is always the hardest, but after that, it's addicting.

Worship is Romancing God
Perhaps the more enlightening thing I found in all of this was a parallel drawn between our human interactions, and those we have with our Maker. After all, the Bible is really a love story filled with letters, songs, poems and testimony of God's enduring faithfulness and love for us. In light of this, you must remember that you are worthy of the chase. I know this because God continues to chase after you and I no matter how far we run. He chooses to romance us, but we need to choose to romance Him in return.

Just like love, we must "choose" to worship God. Sometimes we don't feel like doing it, just as sometimes we don't feel like loving someone. But that's not the nature of love, and it's not the nature of worship. The Bible uses a lot of words to describe this – seek, call on the name of, knock, run... but I like the visual of a pursuit, I love the illustration of the chase, I love the realization that our relationship with God is a romantic one filled with wonder, energy, passion and blessing.

Conclusion
This Sunday, I challenge you to press into God even if you don't feel like it. Romance Him. Speak to Him in poems that flow from your heart. Sing to Him with songs of love. Snuggle up to Him so close that you can smell Him. Whisper sweet nothings in His ear. Stay in that relationship and the true power of God will descend upon you and your ministry. And then, go home and do that with your beloved, your chosen one, in a way that is surprising, a way that finds wonder in her eyes, giggles on her hips, and magic in the mundane.

You Are Here

Many times in Christian circles we talk about salvation.  But I think there is not a lot of focus into what that tangibly means.  To most, I think the word has become christianized... a word that has lost it's meaning.  For me, I used to simply equate it with saying the sinner's prayer and getting my "get out of Hell free card".  But recently in a heated discussion, the topic of salvation came up and many were not sure what the basis of salvation was.  Is it just a prayer, or is it more?

I think that most agree that there isn't anything we can do to save ourselves.  It is God alone that provides salvation.  But this begs the question, what must I do to be saved?  What constitutes salvation?

Some in the church have watered down salvation to a simple sinner's prayer.  It is tempting to think that just saying an incantation that we are saved, or that simply calling on the Lord brings salvation.  Some point to Joel 2:32 as the basis of this salvation.  However, it is important to note that Jesus in said...

Matthew 7:21-23

Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?" And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS."

The discrepancy we find between this verse and Joel is interesting.

Joel 2:32a

"Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved"

But I believe that it is these Biblical "glitches" where the truth of God dwells!  So I determined it was important to go back to Joel, and assume that I was missing something.  After all, I always heard just a fragment of a verse in this prophetic book.  I read the entirety of Joel (a whole three chapters) and found a striking pattern that I believe we should follow in our evangelism efforts.  Not only that, but I believe we can apply this in our own live as well.

I found that salvation is not a binary decision.  It's not that you say a word or two and find yourself a lifetime member of the Jesus club.  The sinner's prayer may get you heading in the right direction yes, but I believe that salvation is achieved by our continual response to God and his grace granted us through Christ Jesus.  At any point in our journey we must stop and ask ourselves "where am I?", to make a stop on our spiritual and look at the map.

I believe that Joel outlines four phases.  I also feel that salvation can only be truly achieved if we do these phases in order: repent, believe and receive.

1) Destruction

The first half chapter of Joel (1:1-12) and the first half of the second chapter (2:1-11) goes into great detail a story of devastation and invasion. This I believe represents our default position in this world as sinners.  We all know that the "wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23).  At any point in our life's journey we may find ourselves on a path to death, or perhaps we are being pursued by the enemy.

In my youth group I find kids who cut themselves, smoke pot, or engage in sexual immorality.  I can see clearly that they are on this road to death.  Our first step is to help them understand that this road is bad, and that God wants to bless them!  If we never realize this, we cannot move onto the second phase.

2) Repent

The second half of the first chapter of Joel (1:13-20) talks of repentance.  This is the next step we need to take in order to see the salvation of the Lord.  This means surrendering to the Lord and crying out to Him.  This is a change of position of our heart.  It must be a 180º turn.  To quote an ancient Turkish proverb:

"No matter how far down the wrong path you have gone, turn back"

We must first realize that we are on the wrong path, and then we can't suffer under the delusion that things will get better, or that we can fix things on our own.  Instead, we must turn to God and cry out to Him. 

Mark 1:15

Jesus said... "The time has come, the kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!"

3) Believe

The story of Joel starts to get exciting midway through chapter two (2:12-17).  Here we begin to see something miraculous.  The people of God start to BELIEVE.  I especially love verse 14 because it is so human!  You can see the formation of "maybe" and then "perhaps" and then "we believe!"  This is also seen in John 3:16 (who ever believes in me shall not perish, but have everlasting life)

The next part of the chapter (2:18-27) that God responds to our belief!  He begins to help us out and get us out of our situation.  But I think this is often times where we end the story.  We receive the blessing of God and worship him, but that's where we leave things.  If we dare to read on, we will find there's one more step.

4) Receive

We had talked about spiritual gifts.  We want to see miracles.  I believe that this last step is crucial so we can see the salvation of our God.  Jesus tells us to "receive the Holy Spirit" - John 20:22.  This of course parallels what Joel is talking about and that we are to receive the Holy Spirit.  It's only then that we get to the verse "everyone who calls on my name will be saved"  It is also important to read the last chapter because we see that salvation is more than having today's needs taken care of by God, but rather it is having your needs taken care of in abundance! We will never thirst again after receiving true salvation.

Summary

The last part of Joel makes it obvious that this is a prophetic book speaking of the end times.  It's actually really a good read, especially given our modern sociopolitical state.  I also think an excellent study is to compare the illustrations of Joel (wine, figs, vines, ripe harvest) with teachings of Jesus.  I think there is something to that!

Christianity: The Anti-Religion

Thanksgiving is commonly know for eating way too much food that you don't commonly eat throughout the year.  In my families, both my side and Jaime's side, we celebrate through a sort of covered dish dinner that invites family and friends.  We grab our styrofoam plates and place bits of carb-laden luscious goodness into the little dividers stamped out of the styrofoam, in an oft-time futile effort to organize this feast in to categorical compartments.  This year I placed meat in one area, my pineapple stuffing and mashed sweet potato (oh my was that amazing) in another.  Vegetables up there, mashed potatoes and stuffing over there, and an ample place up from to load up on mac and cheese and biriyani, the less typical fare of this particular meal.

But as I sat down to eat, I had this desire to reach out and talk with a family not my own from birth (I was at my in-laws this year).  I began chatting with a young couple at the table next to me because we some common ground – missions.  This young man was relation in the "it's going to take a few minutes to explain this" kind of way.  But the one thing to keep in mind is that this kid has changed since I remember seeing him first, about 10 years ago.  He went from being a confused teenager, to a better student, to a man seeking God, and now, a father of the most amazing miracle baby I've ever met. He met his wife in Peru while on a missions trip there, and so... our little conversation began from that one piece of commonality.

As we spoke, I found a young man who has experienced the polar ends of the church and the unchurch.  He had gone to third world countries on missions trips.  He desired to make a tangible difference in the world, and not just be a member of a comfy church.  He equated going on your first mission trip to getting your first tattoo, that after the second one you'll want to get "full sleeves".  In other words, that's all you will think about and save your money until you can go on the next one.  We sat in a corner and talked about the things of God.

Some of you know that I'm not a huge fan of organized religion.  I think there is great power in multitudes, but I also fear that the church is not heading in the proper direction.  I believe there is a true church, and then there's the fake one.  The fake ones are the pretty ones with the pretty steeples and the perfect people with the Sunday mornings filled with Sunday best and Sunday dinner.  I'm not saying that's bad, but when there is no fruit, no action or no risk, I have to wonder.

Then there's the true Church.  There are people of God getting together and walking in faith.  It's consoling a friend in a smoke-filed bar, or praying for someone over a lunch break.  It's doing things a bit dangerously and talking to the "wrong" people.  It's being confrontational and not ashamed.  These are the amazing "God moments" that I want to live in, not the cheap substitute.

As we talked I realized this young man, who was feeding the hungry and taking care of orphans in the most impoverished of lands, did not label himself a "christian".  In fact, he told me the closest label for himself would be an "Agnostic Deist".  In other words, he doesn't have all the answers, but he knows there is a God.  To him, having the "right" answers weren't really important.  I thought this was interesting for a guy who went to a Christian high school and who has been changed and evidently living a life like Christ.  But yet he didn't consider himself a church goer.  In fact, as the conversation progressed we talked about his apologetic study of world religions.  He noted that of the 50 religions he studies, Christianity is meant to be different.  True Christianity stands alone.  That's because Christianity is an anti-religion.

All religions of the world have a basic concept.  It's to follow the rules with the pursuit of achieving heaven, or nirvana, or paradise, or some other state of pleasure or perfection for ourselves.  In an essence, the major world religions are self-seeking.  Even the Christian church was been distilled into a sound bite of popular theology which focuses solely on heaven and hell as it's selling feature, that by going to church and being "good", we get to hangout with God forever.  It's true that this has been promised to us, but we conveniently skip over the "being Christ-like" part of the gospel and instead look out for ourselves.  We keep trying to protect ourselves, to perfect ourselves.  But is that what we should be trying to do?  No.  We should be following Jesus which is entirely different.

Jesus was perfectly selfless.  He taught us that we must not concern ourselves with ourselves, but rather look after all people.  Jesus calls us to take up our cross and follow him.  He is asking us to lay down our lives for a friend.  Keep in mind that everything Christ did was counter-culture and counter-religion.  He ate with sinners, drink with party-goers, held lepers, forgave adulteresses and touched some icky dead people.  And then he gave up his life and descended into Hell.  Jesus lived his life to save people, not his own hide.

Christianity is about having a relationship with the living God, not serving an empty religion.  It's hearing the living word of God and living it out, not reading letters on dead trees.  It's about saving others and not ourselves.  It's about being willing to die and go to hell so that others can live and get to heaven.

I ended my conversation with my new remote family member turned friend.  I was encouraged and challenged to live a life so much like Christ, that I won't fit into a church.  To be so much like Christ, that others will see the difference.  This may take a long time, perhaps a lifetime, but there's no time like the present to begin the journey.

Learning to Hate

I've always grew up knowing that God is love.  In fact, I believe the bible is a love story between a Maker, and his children.  It's an ongoing saga of the distance that exists between man and God, and God's undying faithfulness to bring his people to him.  The bible illustrates the ebbing of a tide - the tragedy of when people turn their back on God contrasted with the beauty of a people who choose God.

Today is no different.

Recently I've been set on something that I can only call a journey.  It's a journey of understanding myself in the context of others, but more importantly in my relationship with God.  I've been going through a lot of things on the inside that are hard, if not impossible, to express with spoken words.  This is all good stuff I believe, a struggle that I hope everyone will have sometime in their life, a holy wrestling match with a sovereign God.  Out of this struggle I have faith I will be blessed, but will never be the same.  I'll have a slight limp, and a different name. (Genesis 32:22-32)

But I've realized that this struggle will never happen without some kind of polarizing force.  Something has to draw us to God.  We fall into sin and maintain our worldly trek just as the rivers flow into sea. We are prisoners of gravity.  But God calls us to ascend, to reverse the natural flow of things.  He calls to us to stand in faith to part the water, to step out in faith to walk on water.  He calls us to do the unnatural.  To perform the supernatural.

But how can this work?  I think the best understanding can be derived from our knowledge of electricity.  The basic principal of electrical power is that electrons flow when both a negative and positive force applied.  The greater the extremes, the stronger the flow. It is the love of God that draws us, but in order to get the flow started, we must first learn to despise our life.  Since God's love is infinite, that must mean the only thing stopping us from flowing into God is us.

I picked up my bible yesterday.  OK, in all actuality I picked up my iPhone and launched the bible application, but that's the same thing right?  I started flipping through Luke trying to find the passage where Peter walks on water since the other gospels leave out that minor detail.  As I flipped through, the title of a chapter section caught my eye. "The Cost of Being a Disciple".  My soul reverberated at the sight of this topic because I feel that God is calling me and desiring to teach me.  So I flipped to that section.  The following are the verses I read in mind-blowingly simple detail.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple.  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple" – Luke 14:26-27

So let me get this right... Jesus is telling us to hate?  Is that what's really being communicated here?  This is a mind-blowing verse that I think gets easily overlooked. We seem to skim over this verse in our Christian circles and popular theology since it's much easier to fast forward to 1 Corinthians 13 or something.  It's much easier to focus on how much we are called to love our children, our families, honor our father and mother, etc.  So why would Jesus say such a thing the messes up our tidy world?  It's all about flow.

God desires us to have a relationship with him.  He desires us to seek him.  He desires us to flow into him.  But that flow must come from a hatred of your life.  There must be a holy discontent, a divine disgruntlement.  Besides, change only happens when the cost of not changing exceeds the pain resulting in remaining the same.  Too often that's how we live our lives – in a constant state of fearing change and expending our energy to maintain some constant of normalcy.  But we instead busy ourselves in life with patching up the leaks so we can stay afloat in this boat that we've built.  We pray to God that he will help us keep our head above water, but really what he wants us to say is "Jesus, if that's really you, tell me to come".  And then he answers simply with "Come". (Matthew 14:28-29)

Are you sick and tired of your life?  Are you frustrated with your family or maybe even your spouse?  Maybe your kids are driving you crazy. Perhaps the entire world is collapsing around you. That's great news because it means you're well on your way to becoming a disciple. For the rest of us we may need learn to despise this world a little more so we can have that relationship that God wants with us. To seek him out and struggle with him through our darkest moments until we get a glimpse of his face when the day breaks.  Then we will be forever ruined to this world.  We will never walk the same.  We will be forever changed.